Extravagant gifts, lavish decorations, and lots of food! These are the three essentials to a North Indian wedding. Being a North Indian, and having grown up with Punjabi friends, here’s an accurate description of the crazy guests and relatives imperative to a North Indian wedding-
- Constantly bickering, complaining, and judging aunties
There’s going to be a big group of aunties dressed in heavy sarees, with fancy jewelry and excessive makeup, who would be complaining about everything possible. “It’s their only daughter’s wedding, they should’ve atleast served desi ghee sweets”, “I heard that they only gave a car, a bike, a fridge, a TV for dowry. That’s it”, “The red carpet was more red at Verma ji’s son’s wedding”. You want to stay clear of these aunties, ‘cause if seen, you’re most likely going to be taunted about your wedding plans.
- Drunk uncles who can’t get enough of that one Punjabi song
Classic. Uncles at North Indian weddings rarely leave the bartender alone. Only after they’ve got enough alcohol in their system they carry their drink with them away from the bar, to hit the dance floor! You will get to see the craziest dance steps ever, and a bond between all the drunk uncles stronger than fevicol. They’re also going to force the DJ to play that one Punjabi song hundreds of times, and are going to make you dance with them if you’re anywhere near the dance floor.
- The little pests
Party or no party, kids are annoying. But at weddings, all these little ones form a huge gang, and no one can stop them. The parents don’t even try. They own everyone. They run around screaming, pushing everyone, torturing the poor guy responsible for serving ice cream, and if you even try to say anything to them, you’re going to regret it. You know what they say- “If a guy says you’re ugly, he’s mean. If a girl says you’re ugly, she’s jealous. If a kid says you’re ugly, you probably are”.
- The gang of grannies on the look out
These grannies were once a group of aunties, but now they’re old, and their agendas have changed. They make it their life’s purpose to find the perfect groom/bride for their granddaughters/sons. And what’s a better occasion than weddings? There’s a plethora of options. It’s like a buffet.
- The annoying salis (sister-in-laws)
Now most of you are aware of the ‘shoe stealing’ tradition already. But for the benefit of those who’re not- there’s a tradition in most North Indian cultures, where the bride’s sisters (and friends) steal the groom’s shoes once he’s taken them off, and then a negotiation takes place. In order for the groom to get his shoes back, he has to bribe the ladies. It is a fun tradition, except that most of these ladies can be pretty annoying. There’s unstoppable giggling, whispering, high-pitched screaming, and let’s not even talk about the number of selfies they take.
- The pervert
There’s always one (sometimes more than one) annoying guy, who won’t stop flirting with all the women and girls he can, at the wedding. Chances are, that he’s a relative from the other side, so you can’t even be too mean. This guy just can’t take a hint, and he goes from rejection to rejection shamelessly.
- The VIPs
Now these guests get labeled so because of the treatment they get. They’re most likely the chacha/mama (uncle) from ‘America’ and chances are, their kids have the ability to get on your last nerve with all the bickering about India, their accents, and all the flaunting. While you’re sitting there super annoyed, the rest of the family is most likely revolving around the NRIs, offering them drinks, starters, making small talk with huge grins.
These are the basic ingredients for a big fat Indian wedding. They can get pretty annoying, but trust me, North Indian weddings are super fun too with all the dhols, and the dancing, and the yummy food.